Arranging my book for my first job interview. Taken two months ago

Misfit --- noun. a person who is not suited or is unable to adjust to the circumstances of his or her particular situation.

I think the word has become fitting for me, not because I am a some weird outcast or some ostracized kiddo.  I am not even an emo to begin with. It is just that the word just had a more sensible weight to me now that before.

What are misfits?  Misfits are individuals who simply do not fit any mold but share the characteristics of some stereotype within a caste system.  Urban Dictionary says that a misfit "tend to follow their own beliefs, and are usually persecuted for it. Misfits tend to be hated for no reason, have few good friends, and are usually intelligent and mature, and sometimes sort of insane and depressed. Misfits tend not to care about their bad social lives, but some do."

Why am I a misfit? Perhaps because I simply do not conform.  I love the unconventional.  Or simply because I, myself, am unconventional.  I listen to music that only a few people appreciate: Kpop, indie, chamber pop. Think of Lana Del Rey and Florence + the Machines. I even think I'm a hipster at heart, less the flower crown on my head.  That is also the reason why I designed my blog very vintage hippie to honor the unconventional and the misfit in me.

I am in the ministry, and yes, present tense because once a campus minister, always a campus minister.  But despite that fact, I have my own set of beliefs that may not be cool with those who are really conservative (I don't know what term to use actually).  I'm thankful that the ministry does not enforce us to share the same beliefs.  So that is also one thing. Misfit.

I can also be a bitch and I enjoy being one.  But I'm not a bitch after all.  I do not like to play the role if I don't need to.  And even if I do have to, I try my very best not to because I'm too nice. It's funny to hear but I know how I can cut someone into pieces so I stop myself from being mean.  So if people try to enclose me in their definition of mean, they need to think again.

Does that count of being a misfit? I don't know.  I'm not even sure if I am a misfit myself because of those justifications.  But I know I am especially with my current status: unemployed.

I am the misfit in the real world.  I have an accounting-related degree yet I try my very best to avoid the job. I say I would want to take a break from the torturing claws of debit and credit but the truth is, I was and never am that confident of my skills.  The real world is like The Hunger Games and I don't think I am enough to be reaped and fill any accounting-related job.  But if I get an accounting job, I will work to be enough. I will learn and fill what I lack.  But if ever I get the choice, can I just get something else?

And then there kicks my interest --- the creative side of the spectrum.  But I may not qualify because of varying reasons, one of which is because I am a mismatch.  That is the reason why I realized I am a misfit.  The things I hopefully would want to be in are the ones where I don't fit.

I am proud of being a misfit.  I am happy to be the person that I am --- non-conforming, unconventional, whimsical.  But being a misfit in the real world is a real bother and being unemployed gives me so much pressure.  However, I have my own set of ideals and plans I do not wish to break.  I don't want to swallow my own words.  This is the dilemma, actually.  I have standards, and they are not even high. I have my ideals, and they are not lofty.  Yet I don't know what to do with them in order to find a job.  Should I stick with them or should I break them?

I am not picky.  I don't even back down to challenges.  And I always fill what I lack.  I'm driven by my pursuit to always bring the best.  But I don't know where the tides are going to take me now.  I don't know when I will land a job that would perfectly suit me.

I am a misfit.  The square peg in the round hole.

I am the square peg in the round hole called corporate world.  I wish somebody carves me so I can be round and fit into the hole.

That is wishful thinking.